Thursday, October 9, 2008

A Formula that Appears to Work.

Here's my new formula for creating a Hot Top Forty Song...
Think of this as a follow up to the Formula doesn't work.

Prerequisite & Disclaimers

If you're a young Hollywood actress and have been on the cover of FHM or Esquire magazine, you have a 5% chance of success with this formula.  Your video will be watched; however, not by the type of audience you're hoping to attract.  Just warning you now. 

Okay, let's get started writing our new Top 40 Hit.

Step 1 - find beat

Get an electronic sound machine and find a bass beat and rhythm that would get most any three year old hop around like a bunny.  Any beat or rhythm will do...  just make sure the pace is just enough to allow the three year old to not tire out too quickly... 

In your head think "thump di di thump di di thump di di" and repeat 1000 times.  This allows you to (as they say in the industry) "feel" the music.  Now start bopping your head to the rhythm, this will get you in the mood to write the lyrics.

Step 2 - write lyrics

As you're bopping your head...  think of words that rhyme, and make special notes of any trite thoughts that everybody thinks they'd relate to. 

Here's a classic, are you pissed off at your significant other?  Great...  let's write about that...  No?  Don't worry, eventually you will be.  And besides, your music will be symbolic of war and the current state of the economy.  Focus... words that rhyme.

Hurt...  Burt...  (your boyfriend's name isn't Burt?  That's okay, the audience doesn't really care, they'll get the symbolism)

Sad... Mad...  (everyone get's sad then mad at least once in there life...  if not, they've gotten mad then sad... again who cares..  symbolism...  the audience will get it, even if you don't, plus, if they didn't they wouldn't admit it...)

Now... put it all togeter...

I loved this guy named Burt
And he's all made me Sad
Now I'm truly Hurt
So, all my girlfriends are Mad...

Don't worry about grammar or proper English you're an artist and this is one of your creative licenses.

Step 3 - production

This is where the magic happen.  Hirer some scantily clad models, one good looking guy (who'll play Burt), add the words "sexual undulation", *mix it all together, then serve. 

Here's a good example of a finished product:

(pop-out, b/c facebook doesn't like my embedded videos)

*Please note: The Mixing part will require a high priced choreographer and a Hollywood director (b/c they *ALWAYS* know what they're doing; plus you want his interpretation of the music embedded into your audiences' brain [yes, singular])... and don't forget... undulate, undulate, undulate.

And my number one piece of advice:  Remember...  don't allow the audience to think freely, otherwise they won't continue to listen to your music.